Love at a Distance
by Efil Lacisum
Summary: PAIRING: SEVERUSxLILY. On their last night at Hogwarts, Lily leaves Severus a note with a time and place to meet. Will Severus finally tell Lily how he feels? Oneshot. WARNING MAJOR DEATHLY HALLOWS SPOILER!


Severus Snape waited impatiently for her.

_This was a bad idea_, he thought to himself. It was late, and the nightly patrols were on high alert tonight, wary of end-of-year pranks from students, particularly because the school's biggest pranksters were at the end of their career at Hogwarts tomorrow. Severus snarled unconsciously into the darkness at the mere thought of them, the little "marauders" as they so childishly referred to themselves. Oh, how he hated them, each and every one, for the torment he had had to endure these past seven years at their hands. He did, however, hold special hatred for one of them in particular.

James.

James Potter. Severus spat at the ground. The bane of his existence. If it weren't for James, he may not even be waiting here under this stupid tree in the dead of night.

The black of the lake stared back at Severus. He seethed in the dark. If it weren't for James, he would have her.

Lily.

Lily Evans. If it weren't for Lily, Severus didn't know what he would have done. She was his first – perhaps his only – true friend in this world. Sure, there was Avery and Mulciber, and even Malfoy before he finished five years ago, but they all knew him for his Slytherin stereotype. He knew that he wasn't destined to go to the Dark Lord, like his "friends" were. It was because of her that he was so sure of this. Ever since that fateful day on the playground so many years ago, he had always been infatuated with her. He only wished that somehow, some way, she could feel the same, but the more he thought about it, the more impossible it seemed.

Severus pulled out the note again, as he had done every five minutes for the past half hour. It still said the same thing as before.

Sev, meet me at the tree by the lake tonight at midnight. Lily

His eyes lingered on her name, written in her hand. He had seen her writing a thousand times before, in the earlier days when a Gryffindor and a Slytherin working as partners in double Potions hardly mattered. But those days were gone. He was now in a time when a Gryffindor and a Slytherin having casual conversation on their way out of the Great Hall was worthy of time in Azkaban in the eyes of others. Reaching deep into his robes, his hands found his watch. It was midnight now.

As if by some sign of fate, Severus looked up to see a figure walking in his direction. It was impossible to mistake her gait, her posture, the red of her hair that was apparent even in the dark. As she approached, her eyes searched for him. When she finally saw him, her face flushed so deeply that he could see it through the night and her eyes traveled to her feet. He didn't know what to do, and so he merely sat, still and rigid, as she sat silently next to him.

After many minutes of silence, he got the courage to speak, though it wasn't necessarily what he was hoping to say. "How did you manage to get out?"

"Oh, you know me, just say the words 'Head Girl' to them…" she replied, trailing off as she spoke.

More minutes passed by in total silence. All Severus could hear was her quiet breathing and his own pounding heartbeat. He felt the color in his face rise as he wondered whether she, too, could hear his heart leaping out of his chest. After much thought, he finally brought himself to speak again. "Why are we here, Lily?"

She had obviously been waiting for the question. She took a deep breath and began to speak. "Well, you know I can't just talk to you anymore like we used to. You've got your friends," she paused, seemingly disgusted, "and I've got mine. You know that your lot and mine just don't mix. Even still, I couldn't leave tomorrow knowing that I may never see or hear from you again, you know? I mean, we've known each other for so long and I just…" She seemed at a loss for words and sank against the trunk of the tree.

He was slightly annoyed. "Lily, you know I'd keep writing you anyway, like I have been for the past school year, even knowing you don't write me back. I know you just pity me."

"No, that's not it at all!" she cried, a little to loudly. Severus made a quiet _shhhh_, and she continued in a whisper. "It's been hard to answer your letters with James always–"

"Oh, so it's about him now, isn't it?" Severus felt the anger welling in his chest at the mere mention of him. "You know he fancies you, Lily, everyone knows! And you know what? I think you fancy him, too. I think you're in _love_ with him." He knew he was being childish, but he didn't care. Couldn't she see how he felt? How could she not know?

"Sev, what's this all about?" Her voice was rising again as she stood. "I know you and James never really got on, but–"

"'Never really got on'?" Severus was now standing, as well, even angrier than before. "'Never really got on'? You know how horrible he's been to me! You've seen it happen all these years and you still always took his side, even after he'd taken everything from me, Lily, EVERYTHING!" He was shouting now and Lily threw a hand against his face, covering his mouth. They stood as such for a full minute, listening as the night watch searched for the source of the noise and eventually dismissed it as nothing of importance. Lily's green eyes pierced into Severus, filled with anger and confusion as she ripped her hand from his face.

"Alright," she taunted, "I'll humor you. What has he taken from poor wittle Sevie?" she said mockingly, cruelly.

And at that he just exploded. He began pacing and ranting, his words escaping like steam. "Let's start with my dignity! You've seen the shit they've done, and nobody will ever let me live any of it down! I've been completely humiliated! Not to mention that I've lost any sort of optimism I might have gained over the course of my pathetic existence, and don't even get me started on _you_, Lily Evans! Don't you realize that he took you from me? The only person I ever really and truly…" Severus stopped, rather abruptly, when he turned to see Lily looking at him, shocked and confused. The furrow in his brow smoothed a little and he felt his face contort into a look of doubt and concern. Had he said too much? Had he gone too far?

Lily stepped closer to him, her eyes wide, her lips slightly parted. Her voice came as barely a whisper. "The only person you ever really and truly what, Severus?"

Severus lowered his head, closed his eyes and sighed. He knew this would be easier if he couldn't see her. He stood silent for a few seconds, a pit growing in his stomach as he convinced himself to say what he had wanted to for so many years. Now was the time. He spoke slowly and concisely. "The only person I ever really and truly loved. I love you, Lily Evans. I always have."

Severus did not open his eyes. He was afraid to. Instead he just stood, waiting to hear her footsteps as she walked away. He didn't want to have to see that.

He was therefore quite surprised to feel arms slip around his waist as a body pressed against his, the smell of her home-brewed shampoo intoxicating him. Opening his eyes, he saw her pressed against his chest and felt the wetness through his robes from her silent tears. Instinctively, clumsily, he wrapped his arms around her in a gentle embrace. Feeling her cheeks raise in a smile, he pulled her closer to him, savoring this moment with her.

She pulled away slightly, her arms still wound around him, and looked up at him. "I don't think I ever knew until now, but I love you too, Sev, so very much." He felt his face split wide open into a smile and saw through a cloud of tears that she, too, was smiling. But suddenly he saw trouble in her eyes. She drew her arms away from him and he felt the lingering warmth of her embrace. His arms dropped awkwardly to his sides and he felt his smile fade.

Lily became very interested in her shoelaces. "Look, about James, we're… we're seeing each other now. God, Severus, if you would have said something sooner…" but she trailed off, lost in her own frustrated sadness. "I can't do this. _We _can't do this. I'm sorry."

The split-second of anger Severus felt for James was dwarfed exponentially by his need to comfort her. As she began sobbing again, he pulled her close, her arms tucked against her chest as she sniffled and whimpered. He knew that he couldn't let her be pained like this. "Lily, I understand. I've known you liked him, okay? I've known, and I've also known that telling you how I felt wouldn't mean you and I could ever… you know, be anything. I understand that. Don't you worry, because I'll always look out for you."

She looked up at him again, her face so full of gratitude that he could barely comprehend it. "Thank you," she whispered and squeezed him tight. It was hours, or maybe only seconds, he couldn't really tell, before she stepped back, wiped her eyes, and took a deep breath. "So… anyway, don't lose touch, okay? I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

He smiled. "I won't."

She bounced on the balls of her feet a little, and after what seemed like a lot of thought, walked toward Severus one last time. Carefully, she stood on the tips of her toes, held his face in her hands, and planted a very soft kiss on his cheek. Then, raising her hand in a tentative half-wave, she turned to walk away. It wasn't until she was up the path quite a ways that Severus called out to her.

"Lily, wait!"

She stopped and turned slowly, her eyes glistening.

With a mutter and a wave of his wand, a gleaming Patronus, a doe, burst from Severus's wand and ran gracefully up the path to Lily. "I'll still love you, you know." He called.

Severus could see the tears streaming down her cheeks, glittering in the moonlight, as she sent her own doe down to him. She smiled. "You don't have to stop," she replied, her voice wavering. "I know I won't."

And with a final look, she turned and disappeared into the dark.


End file.
